How to use chopsticks

 

While eating sushi last night, I noticed that the restaurant has tried to teach people the proper use of chopsticks by printing instructional packaging for the wooden sticks we are forced to use in sushi joints. As an aside, why do you think it is that most sushi places opt for these disposable, splintery sticks rather than the pretty, smooth ones fancier places use? Surely it must work out more expensive to buy hundreds of these kinds of utensils a month rather than simply washing and reusing nicer ones?

 

Anyway, my buddy and I noticed the instructions and tried to follow them. :

 

"Place stick between thunb and index finger and rest on between the third and the fourth fingers"

 

We encountered one major hitch, however...neither of us had any 'thunbs'. So we used our fingers, like heathens.

 

Later on in the evening, we had a fortune cookie each. I was most disappointed with my fortune, which implied that I was going to have happiness all my life. Too much of vagueness for my liking.

 

I need things like:

 

- You will find a pile of discarded Simpsons series lying by your car

- Chocolate will be found to have absolutely no negative influence on 'bad' cholesteral levels, and improves 'good' cholesterol

- The dwarf who nearly drove into you this morning in his massive BMW will get a R10 000 traffic fine today

- The colleague who keeps saying things like, "an email I sent myself from Gmail hasn't come through to me," while looking at you expectantly for an answer, will realise that this is not something you can explain nor assist with, and will stop asking such inane questions henceforth

 - Publishers will only publish three books a year for the next five years, so I can catch up a bit.

 

Now THOSE are fortunes!