On Joining...

 

I would not consider myself to be a joiner, in the conventionally accepted sense of the word. I am not a member of my complex's body corporate; I belong to no sporting or recreational clubs (the gym doesn't count); I am on no committees at work (possibly because no such committees exist, though I'm quite sure there would be some enthusiasm expressed for the formation of a Committee to End the Unlawful Utilisation of Personal Mugs [CEUTPM], and one to promote the right to nap in the loo.)

 

Mostly, my lack of affiliation, as it were, causes me no anxiety apart from when I have to tackle that section on my CV which demands that I fish out every single bit of 'joinery' I've ever undertaken, and dress it up to be something fantastically amazing and world-altering when committed to paper. To date, the most I can manage is that I was forced to join PADI in order to qualify as an open water SCUBA diver. I suspect this fact won't bump me up the ladder from Worker Bee to CEO.

 

Recently, however, I joined an organisation in an attempt to garner some freelance copy-editing and proofreading work. At this point, I would like to digress in an attempt to explain the horrific typos, spelling and grammar errors you find littered throughout this blog. This blog is a mess, undoubtedly. It does reflect the real state of my mind – at times inarticulate and often pleasantly deluded that it's not as bad as it might be. I ask that you don't judge my capabilities by what you see on this blog- I can pull it together…when I'm paid to! ;-)

 

Agh, wha-eva!…Judge away!!!

 

 

Annnnnnyway…. So I joined Wedge. And boy, has it been an education in the pedantic. If I were to personify Wedge, the individual would look as follows:

 

·        +/- 65 years old

·        Male or female

·        Frowning, except when he/she spots a colleague's mistake

·        Lives alone

·        Has too much time and not enough to fill it

·        Goes through the Yellow Pages in order to find spelling and grammar mistakes for his/her entertainment

·        Listens ONLY to classical music

·        Cannot possibly EVER be wrong….ever

·        Has children who choose not to visit him/her

·        Needs to have the last word

 

In short, Wedge is Aubrey Tearle, the protagonist in Ivan Vladislavic's "Portrait withf Keys – Joburg and What-What."

 

In the two months or so during which I've been a member of Wedge, the following email barnies, comprising back-and-forths of minimum 15 Google-group emails, have occurred:

 

·        The fee one charges for proofreading (around 12 emails)

·        Whether it's HIV/Aids or HIV/AIDS (14 emails)

·        Where to place a full stop in a sentence (18 emails – apparently "at the end" is not a good enough answer)

·        About 20 emails blasting the hell out of a guy who sent a 1Mb file to the member list, while many of them are on dial-up….OH THE SHAME, OH THE HORROR!

 

To quote Rhonda from 'Muriel's Wedding'…what a bunch of cocksuckers! I'd be lying if I said I was not concerned about the effect this group might have on me. I've asked my friends to kill me if they ever see signs of this pedant infection overcoming me. G.B, please use your sword.